9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 ESV
It was then that I knew…God would be enough. I lay there…crushed under our car and everything and my husband who was leaving this world heading home to be with our Savior. I couldn’t hear Michael…only Josh’s voice mixed with a man’s voice I didn’t recognize. I knew Josh was alive. I knew my sweet Will was leaving this earth. I didn’t know if our sweet four-year old Michael was alive or joining his Daddy in heaven.
Does that mean that I don’t grieve our loss of him or that I don’t nights of crying out to God my body wracked with tears as I miss my husband?
No, it doesn’t. What it does mean is that those times don’t end with feelings of hopelessness. In the midst of the pain I hold onto the truth of God’s love and faithfulness.
It was in the midst of our tragedy that I realized the depth of my faith. As a person who struggles with the need to know what is happening…it was during the accident that God helped me to completely surrender my need to control and hold tight to the life I loved with my husband and family and totally trust that He would be with me, carry me, provide for us, heal us. Trust that He would be and is enough.
There are people who see me as strong and have told me that I must be so strong to be able to do that. To be honest it has nothing to do with being strong…in fact, I found out that the greatest strength is found in completely surrendering to our Savior.
It was God who helped me to release my grip on everything I knew to be my life and it was in completely letting go…completely trusting that He is faithful and would never, ever leave me or forsake me that I knew…His Grace is enough. God is enough.
He is more than enough.
I know with everything in me that my husband is home with our Savior experiencing a new life in Him that goes beyond his wildest dreams! I hold onto the hope that there will come a day when I will join him there.
In realizing that, I have been filled with a peace that goes beyond all understanding.
In realizing that, I received His strength to get through the most difficult times in my life with a determination that went and continues to go beyond anything I could do on my own. Every day He is growing me by His grace.
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. 3 Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. Romans 5:1-5 ESV
It is in fully surrendering my need to hold onto my own vision for what my life would be like that I was and am able to hold onto hope in Him…and in doing that God is helping me to release my fears of the future and give me the strength and peace I need to face each new day.
His Grace is enough.
Thirty minutes before the accident on July 12, 2012, I thought my purpose was to be Will’s help-meet and to be at his side we began our lives as missionaries in our community. I was excited about the direction our lives were taking. I trusted his leadership of our family. I was so blessed by our relationship. I was inspired by his faith and passion for sharing the gospel and his passion had ignited a passion in me to step out of my comfort zone and be more open with people about my relationship with God and how He was working in my life and how He wanted to do that in their lives too.
During the moments I lay there in the few fragile moments I was conscious I felt God’s strength and love envelop me in such a powerful way as I felt cradled in His arms. I felt His presence more powerfully than ever before. And I completely surrendered to everything to Him.
I trusted that God would bring something out of the accident that would become a powerful testimony of His ability and desire to transform the pain and trauma in our lives into something beautiful that shines the light on His healing grace. I trusted that He would carry me through and that His grace would give me everything I needed to get through it and He would direct our paths. I don’t believe that God “took” Will away from us. I do believe that He rescued him in the best way for him in an act of love. I do believe that God rescued me and the boys and left us here on this earth for a purpose too.
God is still with me just over one year later. He continues to be faithful every day. He amazes me with His grace, strength and provision. Every day He reminds me that I need not worry…His Grace is enough. He is enough. It isn’t up to me to figure out what comes next for my family. I can trust Him to take care of us. I can trust Him to lead us. I can trust that He is giving me a new purpose. I can trust Him.
He healed me of my injuries…miraculous healing that doctors can’t explain. But even if He hadn’t…He would still be enough. He would still be with me. He would still get me through each day and give me a renewed purpose.
He teaches me and leads me in ways that blow my mind each day. And I am filled with a gratitude that goes beyond words.
He has given me a new way of seeing life…of treasuring the people in my life while at the same time fully entrusting them to Him.
I love my children so much! I love my family, friends, and the ministry and life He is giving me here on this earth. But since the accident, my perspective has changed…I know with everything in me that I love God so much more than even these special people in my life. I look so forward to the day I will go home to heaven. But I know He isn’t finished with me here yet and He is helping me to see His work in my life in unexpected ways totally trusting each day to Him.
He has helped me to realize that no matter what happens…no matter what I face today or in the future…
His Grace is enough.
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Filled with His Grace,
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